where must we go?
by Bardess of Avon
Summary: It's hard to move on when the past keeps catching up with you. Capable can only run for so long.
1. the green place

Where must we go,

We who seek the wasteland

in search of our better selves?

~The First History of Man

There is too much to do for Capable to grieve.

She likes it that way. Building a new empire on the ruins of an old one is no mean feat, and by the time she throws herself into her bed every night after a long day's work, she's too tired to think about Nux or Angharad or anything else. Sometimes, when the work slows for a moment, she can feel the sadness start to creep in.

 _I wish they were here now_. It's a tiny inkling of a thought that takes days to pull herself out of, so she shakes her head and finds something else to consume her. She secretly hopes the work never ends, because that means she'll have time to think, and time to think means she won't be able to _stop_ thinking about them.

It's hard enough to not think of them as it is. She spent every hour of every day with her sisters—they can't not remember Angharad. Angharad, who was Capable's only companion in the days before the Immortan had claimed Toast as this third bride. Angharad who made a deal with Furiosa and got them out of the Citadel. Angharad who died for them. And then there's the War Boys she and Cheedo are teaching to become human again...they're so like Nux in their childish simplicity, their difficulty with grasping the idea of a bigger world and their eagerness to try.

The ache comes to her chest and she swallows it down. There is too much to do for Capable to grieve.

.

She's helping Cheedo explain to a flock of War Boys and War Pups why Immortan Joe was a liar, why there is no chrome-plated Walhalla, when it happens.

One War Pup raises a bold hand.

"Then who looks after us?" he asks in a high, piping voice, not yet roughened by sand and grease. "Who watches over us and opens the gates of Walhalla for us?"

Capable opens her mouth to tell him _No one. No one watches over us and opens the gates for us because there is no Walhalla. There is only death, and nothing after it._

But Cheedo speaks first. "The Mother," she says, sounding as sure of herself as if this is the doctrine with which she grew up. "The Splendid Angharad. We are all her children, and when we die she is the one to carry us to the Green Place."

"The Splendid Angharad can't be our god," a War Boy says. "She was a breeder, and she died."

Cheedo holds her head up high. "Immortan Joe was a warrior, and he died. Who killed the world?"

"Men," the boys answer. It is a response they know well by now.

"Who made it grow again?"

Capable turns and stares at Cheedo. _What have you done?_ she wants to ask.

But all around them, the War Boys and War Pups begin murmuring. " _The Green Place. The Green Place. The Mother will carry us to the Green Place_."

She tries to imagine it. She imagines Angharad pulling Nux out of the wreck and carrying him to someplace green and lush. _The Green Place waits for me_.

Cheedo looks at her and beams.

.

That night, Capable dreams of them. She dreams of the first time she met Angharad, when the older woman helped her get ready for her "wedding" to the Immortan. Angharad bathes her and dresses her in white, just as she had before. "Don't be afraid," she says. "You're not alone."

Rictus comes in then, but instead of escorting them to the branding as he had done before, he plants an anti-seed in Angharad's head. Capable screams and catches the other woman in her arms, but when she turns her over, it's Nux's face staring up at her. "Witness me," he mouths before he bursts into flame.

She doesn't realize she's screaming until there's a bright light in her face and several voices are shouting and someone is shaking her. Capable opens her eyes and squints against the overhead light. She's in her room, the room she shares with the other wives (not the one in the vault—they refuse to go back. This is a different room, one that doesn't have locks or bars), and they are all standing over her and staring.

"You were screaming," the Dag says unhelpfully. Her hand is resting on her belly, which is finally starting to show signs of a baby inside. It won't be long before she swells up like Angharad.

"I'm sorry," Capable whispers. She eases into a sitting position, her head pounding, and accepts a cup of water from Toast.

Cheedo sits on the bed beside her. "Did you dream about...them?" she asks in a soft voice.

Capable nods but doesn't elaborate. She doesn't need to. Cheedo and Toast and Dag all crowd in on the bed around her and bury her in an embrace. It reminds her of the old days, when the Immortan would finally leave them for the night and they would all wrap themselves around whoever had been unlucky enough to suffer his attentions. But there's a gaping hole where Angharad should be, and a heavy silence that ought to be filled with Angharad's soft, crooning words of comfort.

Capable feels bile rise up in her throat and swallows it down. _Not now,_ she begs silently. But it's coming for her, sooner or later. It's only a matter now of how fast she can run before it all catches up with her.

.

She doesn't feel quite right the next day, and she chalks it up to her nightmare. Her head aches and her stomach won't stop roiling and all in all she just wants to crawl back into bed. She won't, though, no matter how badly she wants to. If she falls asleep, she might dream about them again, and if she keeps herself awake, she'll definitely think about them.

A welcome distraction arrives in the form of Max. They haven't seen him since he slipped off the platform and out of the Citadel on that day almost two months ago. His hair has grown out, but only a little, and the wild, hunted look about him has toned down, if only slightly. He doesn't say why he's there and no one really asks—tired of running, maybe.

The sisters plus Furiosa plus the two remaining Vuvalini make a big to-do about him being back and all chip in to make dinner. It's a nice, private affair on the roof, lusher and greener than ever, with the sky turning orange to red to purple to blue to black above them. They light a small fire when it gets dark, and they would marvel at the stars above them if they weren't so excited for Max to be back in their midst. He doesn't say much about his time away and instead shifts the focus back to the Citadel, which the women are only too happy to talk about. Even if he isn't interested, he makes a good show of pretending to be. He relaxes under the weight of food and conversation, and when he doesn't think anyone's looking, Capable can see his eyes lingering for a second too long on Furiosa. Furiosa is less discreet; her eyes keep drifting to him when someone else is talking, and it's really quite endearing. _If only_ , Capable thinks. In another place in another time...maybe.

The women have finally roused themselves to clean up and head for bed, but Max catches Capable and motions for her to join him at a distance from the others. Confused, she follows him off to the side and ignores the curious looks she can feel directed at her.

"I went back through the canyon," he says quietly. "I thought...maybe they hadn't...maybe there was a chance..."

It sounds indiscernible, but Capable knows what he's trying to say. She's been hoping for the same chance.

He pulls something out of his pocket and fingers it. It's a round piece of metal with a few links of a chain hanging from it. It takes a moment, but Capable recognizes it and feels the bile rising to her throat again.

"Someone had already buried Angharad," Max mutters, still fingering the cuff. "But he was...he fell out of the rig. I buried him with the wheel, because, you know...I thought he'd like that. But this I took off him." He licks his lips. "No one should be buried in chains." He holds it out to her—a memento, poor as it is, for her to remember Nux.

But she will never forget Nux. That's her whole problem. She can't forget him, no matter how hard she tries. She reaches for the cuff and instead finds her hand gripping Max's sleeve as she loses her footing. "Capable?" she hears someone call before everything turns black.

.

She wakes up in a bed that isn't hers. It takes her a moment to realize that she's in the infirmary with a flimsy curtain partition around her bed. Someone must have taken her here after she fainted. She eases herself into a sitting position and hears movement; looking to her left, she sees Max starting up from a chair at her bedside, a worried look on his face. "How are you feeling?" he asks at once.

Somehow, she feels better and worse than she did all day. "I'm all right," she says. "How long have I been here?"

"All night. It's eight in the morning."

Longer than she thought. She sees a water pitcher on the bedside table and reaches for it, but Max pours for her, handing her the clay cup.

"I'm sorry," he says, and he looks so pained that Capable feels guilty for fainting on him. "I thought it might be hard on you, I just...didn't realize how bad..."

She shakes her head. "I was feeling sick all day yesterday," she assures him. "To be honest, I can't believe I didn't pass out sooner. It's fine, Max, really." He still doesn't look convinced, so she sets down the cup. "Do you still have it?"

He does; he pulls it out of a pocket and carefully holds it out to her. Bile threatens to rise in her throat again but she swallows it down, more for Max's sake than her own. She takes the cuff and holds it in her lap, staring down at the black metal. For the briefest, chilliest moment, she can feel Nux beside her. But the moment passes and instead of Nux there is only a hollow ache in her chest. "Thank you," she manages to choke out.

"Don't pass out on me again," Max tries to joke, and he's _so_ bad at it but Capable is pretty sure this is the first joke she's ever heard him make and she can't help laughing. A rogue tear rolls down her cheek and she wipes it away.

Harper, one of the two remaining Vuvalini and the only doctor in the Citadel now that the Organic Mechanic is gone, pokes her head through the partition. "Max, might I have a moment alone with our girl?"

Max nods and gets to his feet. "Take care," he mumbles and then lumbers out of the flimsy excuse for a room. Harper takes his seat.

"How are you feeling?"

Capable shrugs. "Tired, mostly. Still have a headache from yesterday."

Harper has a curious look on her face that Capable can't quite place. "Been feeling sick lately?"

Capable considers. "Not really. I'm tired most of the time, but who isn't these days?"

Harper nods, looking preoccupied. "And...how long has it been since you had your period?"

 _Period_. It's an archaic term, one Capable hasn't heard since she was a child, but she still knows the meaning. "I...it was before we escaped, two..." Her throat goes dry. "Two months ago."

Harper reaches out a brown, weathered hand and rests it on Capable's. "It must have happened right before you left," she says softly. "Or-" But she stops herself.

"Or?" Capable repeats, bewildered. "What 'or'?"

Harper gives her a searching look and then smiles, patting her hand. "It's nothing."

Capable thinks for a long moment. Pregnant. She doesn't want a baby—not this one, anyway. For two months she's been unlearning everything Immortan Joe nailed into her head, removing every trace of his existence. To have his _spawn_ inside her, growing and becoming a person that is half Immortan...it makes Capable feel sick all over again.

"Can't I do anything about it?" she asks quietly.

Harper gives her another searching look. "Get rid of it, you mean?" She shakes her head. "Not a lot of options on that front, m'dear."

"Why not?" Capable demands. "Why can't I do it?"

Harper pauses to choose her words carefully. "The easiest and safest way is to take some herbs," she says. "But there's a few reasons that won't work, and the biggest one is that we don't have any on hand."

"What about...an operation? You were a doctor before the fall, weren't you?" Capable asks desperately.

Harper heaves a sigh. "Well, yes. But it's not as cut and dry as all that, m'dear. I was a general doctor; if my patients wanted abortions, I'd have to refer them to another doctor who specialized in pregnancy, and then they'd have to find a surgeon to perform the abortion. Do you understand?"

"Sort of," Capable says, deflating, because even if she doesn't understand all of the terminology, she understands that this is a lead-up to a _no._

"I don't have the knowledge or training to perform that procedure," Harper tells her gently. "The closest thing would be an abdominal surgery, but I hadn't been in the operating room for years even before the fall, and it's too great a risk."

"But-"

"I will not put you in danger," Harper says in a voice so firm that Capable actually recoils. "I know you're scared, and that man did horrible things to you and I know you can't bear the idea of his child inside you, and I'm sorry for that, I really am. But I put everything, including my own life and the lives of my clan, to keep you girls safe, and I will not throw that away now. Do you understand?"

Capable can only manage a nod.

Harper gets up and puts a hand on her knee. "I know it seems hopeless right now," she says in a gentler tone. "But it will get better. I promise it will."

Capable wants to laugh in her face, but she doesn't think she has energy. "I'm going back to my real bed," she says, sliding off the bed. She doesn't wait, just walks out of the infirmary and down the labyrinthine corridors until she's at her own room. The other girls are gone, which is a relief to Capable; she strips down to her underwear and climbs into her bed. She holds Nux's cuff in one hand and presses the other against her belly. It's still flat, and it looks and feels completely normal. She turns over on her side and breathes. For the first time in almost two months, she doesn't stop herself from thinking about another pregnant woman she once knew.

Angharad hadn't wanted her baby, either.

"I'd always hoped Joe would die before I could get pregnant," she'd said in the early days of her pregnancy. "Or I'd be infertile and he'd just kill me like he did with the others. But now...now his child is inside me. He's never letting me go. If my baby is a boy, he'll be taken from me and raised to be a warlord. And if it's a girl...she'll be a thing, just like us."

Capable's baby isn't going to be a warlord or a thing—of that she is certain. But that doesn't make her any happier about having it.


	2. out here, everything hurts

A/N: MAJOR trigger warning for self-harm and some pretty unsexy masturbation; if you'd like more information about the scene before reading it (or not) I'd be more than happy to provide a detailed summary of the scene so you can decide whether or not you want to read it.

Thanks to those who read, reviewed, liked, subscribed, etc. It means a lot!

.

She drifts in and out of sleep for the rest of the day, keeping Nux's cuff pressed close to her chest. The only thing that pulls her out of this haze is the arrival of her sisters around dinnertime.

"Are you feeling okay?" asks Cheedo, ever solicitous.

Capable eyes each of them. Their faces look blank. "So Harper didn't tell you?"

"Tell us what?" Toast demands. "Are you sick or something?"

Capable takes her time giving an answer. "I'm pregnant," she says finally, rotating the cuff over and over in her hands. She doesn't look at them, but she doesn't need to to know that they're all exchanging looks.

"Oh, _Capable_ ," Cheedo says, easing onto the bed. She looks as if she wants to reach for Capable but isn't sure if she should. Capable isn't sure either.

"You don't want it," says Dag. It's a statement, not a question.

Capable shakes her head.

"Can't Harper do anything about it?" Toast asks.

Capable shakes her head again, still focusing on the cuff. "I already asked. She said anything she did would put my life at risk and she won't do it."

They're quiet for a long moment.

"Is it...you know...his?" Toast asks carefully.

"Toast!" Cheedo admonishes.

Capable stares at the two of them. "What do you mean, _his_? Joe's?"

Toast looks too embarrassed to respond.

" _What_?" Capable presses, clearly missing out on something.

"I think she means...it's not Nux's, then?" Dag checks.

Capable nearly drops the cuff.

"Dag!" Cheedo squeals, looking embarrassed.

"I didn't know," Dag says defensively. "None of us knew what you two got up to."

"We're not judging if it _is_ his," Toast adds quickly. "We were all a mess after Angharad. If you, you know, with him..."

"We're happy for you," Cheedo says in a firm voice. The other two nod in agreement.

Capable has a hollow feeling in her chest. So this is what they think of her. "Nux never touched me like that," she says around the lump in her throat. "We barely kissed. He was gentle. Safe."

Cheedo nods. "He loved you," she says softly. "We all saw it." The other two nod again.

The hollowness turns into an ache. "I wish it was his baby," she admits. A few tears spill from her eyes and she wipes at them angrily. "I wish it was his and not...not..."

She doesn't need to finish; the sisters crowd in on her bed and wrap their arms around her. The hole where Angharad should be feels bigger than ever.

.

Capable doesn't get out of bed all the next day. She doesn't even sleep, just lays there and lets herself think about Angharad. Now, more than ever, she wishes Angharad was here. She would have had her baby by now, would have sat with Capable and held her hand and said just the right thing to make her feel better. They would've made plans for the babies they never asked for, and before long Capable would actually start to look forward to having a baby.

But Angharad isn't here to talk her through it, no matter how hard Capable pretends, and at the end of the day she still wishes she wasn't pregnant. Cheedo comes by once to bring her some food, and Capable eats it because Cheedo won't leave until she does—but as soon as Cheedo is out the door, Capable heaves it back up. On purpose or on accident, she isn't sure, but she feels better when she does.

She knows the girls will be coming back to the room around dinner time, so she pulls on loose clothes that make her feel like she's hiding (which isn't too far from the truth) and steals out of the room that they share—but not before snatching Nux's cuff and slipping it on her wrist. Her feet carry her to the top of the Citadel. No one's up here—probably all gone to get grub—so it's just Capable alone with the green and the first stars that dot the night sky. She doesn't get to see the night sky that often these days—she's always working herself to exhaustion so that by the time dinner rolls around, she crams some food in her mouth and almost immediately passes out for the night. She'd seen it as a child, before the Immortan had locked her away and it had only been a black blur outside. That black blur had been all she'd seen of the night sky until she'd escaped in the war rig. That night with the Vuvalini had been the first night in years that she'd really and truly seen the night sky. She'd been almost reverent as she curled against Nux and just stared for hours. Her chest tightens at the thought, and for once she doesn't try to push it away. She lets herself remember what it felt like, with his arm around her and her ear so close to his chest that she could hear his heart beating. They'd climbed into the cab where they first met (really met, not fought each other) and he'd wrapped one of the Vuvalini's blankets around them and sparked the lantern, and for hours they'd just watched the sky. They'd been in the middle of the desert with three war parties still pursuing them, but somehow, Capable had felt safer then than she'd ever felt in her entire life.

Immortan Joe is dead and his old order abolished, but somehow Capable feels as if he's looming right over her. His _baby..._

She lets herself imagine, for a moment, that Nux _was_ the father. It's a stupid thought, she tells herself hastily—but not a bad one. She sinks down amongst the greenery and lies flat on her back, staring up at the sky. More stars are coming out now. It's nowhere as blue and beautiful as it had been that night, but for someone who spent years in a virtual prison, this is breathtaking. Her hand inches up to her belly and rests there. It's still blissfully flat, and she knows from Dag and Angharad that it will be a while before signs of life start to form. But it's there.

Her mind drifts back to Nux. What if he was the father? She knows she shouldn't dwell on it, because he isn't...but her mind lingers on the thought. She'd want to keep the baby if it was his. Nux's baby would have been conceived out of love and tenderness, not violence born out of greed. She tries to imagine it, how that baby would have been conceived. It's a dangerous thought, and one she shouldn't be having—she can barely get over Nux as it is. But the "what if" is too tempting.

It would've been in the cab that night that she found him. It would've had to be—the night with the Vuvalini was too open, too exposed. In reality, she had stroked his face and lain with him for a while before going back up front. But it wouldn't have been hard for that gentle face stroking to move further if they'd been inclined that way. She probably wouldn't have done it anyway, the reminder of Immortan Joe's nightly visits fresh in her mind, and Nux...well, would a War Boy even know how to make love? It doesn't matter, because none of this is real anyway. She would have kissed him, and he would have kissed her, and they would've kissed each other all over. She isn't sure if people really do that, but she thinks she'd like it. She closes her eyes and imagines the feel of his mouth all over her. She feels a twitch between her legs. It feels good. She imagines pushing off her wrappings and Nux kissing her between the legs and...

She can feel something down there she's never felt before. Curious, she slides her hand from her belly, inside her pants, and down to the apex between her legs. Her fingers brush a sensitive spot and she gasps. She brushes the spot again, her fingers now wet with the unidentifiable dampness between her legs, and she bucks her hips at the feeling. She does it again, and again, and again.

 _Nux_ , she thinks, gasping and rolling her hips frantically against her hand. Would it have felt like this? She wants to believe so.

And suddenly the world goes black for a second and she can hear her blood rushing in her ears and has to throw a hand over her mouth to stifle the cry she's letting out. It's a few moments before her vision clears and her pounding heart tries returning to normal. She's never felt anything like that before in her life. It felt...good. Very good. _Is this how it is for other people?_

But as soon as she sits up, licking the wetness off of her fingers, she feels suddenly ashamed. _Stupid_ , she thinks, hot, shameful tears pricking at her eyes. _What are you doing, touching yourself while thinking of a dead boy you barely knew? It's Immortan Joe's baby you're carrying, not Nux's, and no amount of pretending is going to change that._

She feels disgusting. She wants to take a scalding hot shower and scrub until she's red and raw. But that means going back to the room, and it's entirely likely at least one of her sisters is there, and Capable can _not_ face them right now. She hugs her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around her legs, dropping her head to her knees and trying to make herself as small as possible. She's a grown woman—she's been a wife and now she's going to be a mother. But she feels so like a child right now. _It hurts_ , she thinks. She can't say what exactly hurts or how it hurts her, but she knows that it does.

"Out here, everything hurts," she remembers Furiosa saying what feels like a lifetime ago.

She pinches her leg and feels a satisfying twinge. She pinches again, in another spot, and in another, and pinches until she hisses in pain. Her shins are too hard, too bony for her pinches to do much damage. Curious, she pushes up her sleeve and pinches her arm. It doesn't produce the same feeling, so she takes her fingernails and twists. This hurts, so she does it again, dragging her nails along the skin. It's too dark to see, but she knows she's leaving marks. _Good_. She does it over and over, rakes her nails deep into her skin and clamps her lips shut against her whimpers. She knows she should stop, should just go back to her room and let the girls talk some sense into her, but she can't bring herself to stop scratching and scratching and scratching.

"Stop," she finally says, and she stops. But her arm itches and she wants to scratch it again.

She wonders if this is what Angharad felt like in those first days as Joe's wife, before Capable joined her in the vault. She'd had scars all up her arm and on the side of her face, still red and raw. "He made me his property," she'd said whenever anyone asked. "I wanted to damage his property." Capable had never been able to imagine what it must have been like, locked away in the vault all by herself with the knowledge that she was a thing for this man to use and abuse feeding at her all day. She'd felt scared in the Citadel, and lost, and afraid, but she'd never felt alone. She had always had her sisters.

She has them now, she knows, but it's...different. None of them know what this feels like. Dag is actually excited about her baby, and Toast and Cheedo...well, what do they know? They'd pity her and hold her and tell her it would be all right, but those were hollow comforts. She's not even sure Angharad could help her right now. Well, that isn't strictly true—Angharad _did_ know what it was like to love one man and carry another's unwanted child.

Angharad had been married before the Immortan; they were young and had just started their lives together when a raiding party killed her husband and carried her to the Citadel. The Immortan had been so taken with her that he'd declared her his wife and locked her away so she could give him healthy sons. She'd tried to escape, and this had only made her isolation greater. By the time Capable had been captured and delivered to Immortan Joe, Angharad had nearly been broken. She would have given herself more scars when she found out she was carrying the Immortan's baby if the other wives hadn't stopped her.

And no one's here to stop Capable now.

It's a terrifying thought. She could do anything up here and no one could stop her. She could throw herself off the top of the Citadel and no one would be there to tell her not to. But she doesn't want to do that. She just keeps methodically scratching until she decides to do something else. It's soothing, in a twisted sort of way.

There's a sudden flash of light out of the corner of her eye, and Capable is so surprised that her nail drives harder than it meant to and drags through her skin. She cries out at the unexpected sensation.

The light bobs closer to her, and looking up, she sees Max running towards her with a lantern in hand. "What happened?" he asks, coming to a halt beside her.

She looks down at her arm, visible now by the light of Max's lantern, and watches blood bead up along the gouge her fingernail made. The rest of her arm is covered in long, angry red scratches.

"This wasn't an accident." It isn't a question.

She shakes her head.

He kneels beside her, setting down the lantern. "What made you do a thing like that?"

She opens her mouth—to tell him why or to tell him to fuck off, she isn't sure. But instead of words, a strangled sort of sob comes out. She heaves a breath to steady herself, but suddenly she's crying, long, shuttering cries. She can't _stop_ crying, no matter how hard she tries, and she realizes that she's been holding in this cry for days. Max hesitates before scooting closer to her—and to both of their surprise, he puts his arms around her. It's awkward at first, as if he has forgotten what other humans feel like, but suddenly it clicks into place and he's holding her close and she knows that he knows how to hold someone. She wonders vaguely who it was he learned to hold—a wife or a child, perhaps. He'd never tell her anyway.

"Hey now," he murmurs. "Don't do that."

It's a long time before she can speak again. "I thought I was free," she chokes out. "But I have his baby inside me just like he always wanted."

Max goes still and she wonders if he knew about this. Probably not, she figures.

"So you did...this...to spite a dead man?" It feels stupid when he says it out loud. She pulls away from him, toying with the cuff around her wrist. Max heaves a sigh. "Nux, you know..." He tries to find the words. "He died to, to protect you. You think he, he would want this?" Max gestures to her arm.

"It doesn't matter what Nux would want." She tugs her sleeve over her arm. "He's dead."

"So is Immortan Joe," Max says quietly.

She thinks about this for a long moment. She feels embarrassed and not a little stupid. "Please don't tell anyone."

"Only if you promise not to do this again."

She frowns at him, but she knows she should listen to him—even if he is a crazy man they found muzzled in the desert. "Okay," she agrees. She lets Max wash her arm and bandage it; by the time he's finished, she's exhausted. She stumbles blindly to the room she shares with her sisters and sinks into the bed she shares with Toast. The others are already asleep and it doesn't take long for Capable to follow.


	3. we are not things

There are no secrets between sisters, and it doesn't take any time at all for Capable's to see her arm.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" Toast asks her angrily.

Capable shrugs. "I can't explain it. I just...I wanted to do something destructive."

Cheedo actually starts crying. She throws her arms around Capable and draws her close; Capable returns the embrace only for Cheedo to tighten her hold on her until Capable isn't sure who is comforting whom. "I'm sorry you feel this way," Cheedo sniffles.

"You can talk to us, you know," Dag says in a less sympathetic but not completely unkind voice.

Capable glances at her from over Cheedo's shoulder. "I didn't think you'd understand."

"Not understand what it feels like to be pregnant with some bastard warlord's spawn?" Dag says, a little harsher than she probably meant to.

The room stills for a moment. Cheedo slowly unwinds her arms from Capable.

"I know what you're feeling," Dag says in a softer voice. "I know it feels like you're all alone and that no one can ever understand what you're going through. Believe me, I know. You don't have to shove us all out of the way because you think you're beyond help."

Capable lowers her eyes in embarrassment. "Yeah but, you _want_ your baby," she says weakly.

"I do now." Dag sits down on her bed.

Toast and Cheedo are silent, watching the exchange with careful interest. Capable tries not to see them. "How did you feel when you found out you were having Joe's baby?" she asks the Dag.

Dag shrugs. "Angry. Scared shitless. Like my life was falling apart."

Capable knows the feeling. "Did you ever want to get rid of it? Because it was Joe's?"

Dag considers. "At first, yeah," she admits. "I don't think I wanted to get rid of it so much as just...not be pregnant in the first place. But after a while...I don't know, it sort of grew on me."

"Literally," jokes Toast, and the sisters manage small smiles.

Dag shrugged. "But I dunno, something Seeds said made me think this could be a good thing."

"What did Seeds say?"

"She said it could be a girl." Dag's hand circles her belly. "And that's when it felt like this baby could be _my_ baby, not Joe's. I don't know if that makes sense." She pauses, collecting the right words. "Every woman in the Citadel was a prisoner. We were all his property. His things. And my baby would've been his thing. But the five of us got away, didn't we? And now we aren't anyone's things. And my baby doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be Joe's thing—it could be its own person. Does that make any sense?"

It does, in a roundabout sort of way. This baby is only as much Immortan as Capable allows it to be.

"It does," she says slowly. "But I don't know if I can separate the two—if I can think of this baby without thinking of him."

Dag shrugs. "It takes time. It's easier for me now that he's gone. Before, you know, I always knew he'd control the baby's life. But now that I don't have to worry about that...I don't know. I just don't think about who the father is very often because it doesn't matter anymore."

Capable hasn't quite looked at it this way before, but Dag makes a good point. Joe is dead—why should she have to live with his shadow over her? "Angharad didn't want her baby," she says. "I don't think she ever got past what Joe did to her. And I'm afraid I won't either."

"None of us are ever gonna forget it," Dag says gently. "But we can decide how we let it affect us. Me personally, I'm not gonna let that filthy smeg stand in my way. I'm gonna have a baby—not his baby, my baby—and he or she or whatever is not gonna be a thing. Maybe it'll be different for you, but that's what I decided for myself." She shrugs as if she doesn't want to be presumptuous.

Capable mulls this over. She doesn't think she'll ever be able to forget the Immortan or what he did to her, what he did to all of them...but he isn't here anymore. He's only a bad memory from a lifetime ago.

Cheedo, who has been silent all this while, speaks up. "Do you want another hug?" she asks timidly.

Capable nods, and the three of them crowd on the bed with her and wrap their arms around her. There's still a hole where Angharad should be, but it doesn't feel quite so empty.

.

Capable takes a long, hot shower. The water stings her arm, but she doesn't really mind. Hurting is a sign of healing, or so Harper says. When she emerges from the shower, pink and clean, her sisters help her dry off and change into fresh clothes before heading down to dinner. They sit with Max, Furiosa, and the Vuvalini, all of whom express how glad they are to see Capable. Max glances at her arm but has the good grace not to say anything. She wonders if he's told anyone else—she doubts it. She feels much more confident, however, that Harper has told the others about the baby. Capable doesn't say anything about it and no one asks her—it's nice to pretend that nothing is out of the ordinary.

.

Capable spends the next few days trying to navigate a solid balance between going back to her normal day-to-day routine and acknowledging that things are not as they were before. It's hard, and sometimes she finds herself slipping off to her room to just be alone for an hour or two. Sometimes that's all she needs, and sometimes she needs to cry into her sisters' shoulders for a while. They are all patient with her. Toast picks up some of her chores without a word, Cheedo gently guides the War Boys and War Pups away from Capable when she becomes a little overwhelmed, and Dag, even though she's farther along in her pregnancy than Capable, rubs the knots out of Capable's shoulders and legs after a long day. It's nice to be taken care of like this. It's not the way it was supposed to be, not with Angharad dead and Immortan Joe's baby in Capable's belly—but somehow it feels right.

She's sitting on the roof of the Citadel one night, listening to Toast point out the different stars and constellations to a crowd of fascinated War Boys and War Pups, when one of the War Pups inexplicably scoots closer to Capable and, when she offers him a smile, shyly climbs into her lap. It takes Capable by surprise as the little boy settles in her lap and leans against her chest. Bemused, she takes the shawl around her shoulders and pulls it around the pup, who has to be freezing without a shirt on. He holds the joined ends against his chest and tips his head back to look up at the stars. He looks young—maybe four or five. Capable knows from working with the boys and pups that the Immortan liked to take them early—the younger they were, the less attached they would be to their families. Most of the War Boys don't remember their birth families—Cheedo once said that if she didn't know any better, she'd think they'd all sprung from engines, fully formed and covered in paint. This pup seems as if he might be newer to the Citadel than some of the others—his eyes are wide as they stare up at the stars, and there's something in the way he nestles close to Capable that makes her think he might still remember a mother's touch.

She holds him close and looks up at the stars.

.

A couple weeks after his arrival at the Citadel, Max announces that he should be heading out soon. The women are all disappointed—though he rarely talks and has been known to hide out in his room for hours at a time, they are all fond of him. Cheedo insists on having dinner on the roof again, and everyone takes to the idea at once. The women all chip in to make dinner and even charm Max into helping. By the time they set up the blankets, lanterns, and dishes, they are all laughing and chatting. Max and Furiosa, Capable can't help notice, sit beside each other, their hips and shoulders touching. _It's about time._

When they're finishing up the meal, Dag stretches out and declares that she's so full she feels like she's carrying triplets.

"Won't be long now before you pop for real," Harper teases.

"And then it's Capable's turn!" Cheedo says without thinking.

There's a beat where everyone seems to take a quick, quiet intake of breath. Though Capable is pretty sure everyone already knows about the baby, this is the first time that anyone has acknowledged it to the entire group. Toast and Dag are giving Cheedo looks, and Max is scraping his plate with careful precision, but everyone else is watching Capable. She arranges her features into a smile. "And then it's my turn," she agrees. She turns to Max and effectively shifts everyone's attention to him. "Will you come back before then?"

Max glances at Furiosa, who sets down her plate and faces the women. "The thing is...I'm leaving with Max."

Capable's mouth falls open. She isn't the only one.

"You're _leaving_?" Cheedo repeats. "But _why_?"

Furiosa exhales. "I'm a fighter, not a leader. What we're doing here is good work, but...I can't live this life."

"So what are you gonna do?" Toast demands.

Furiosa glances at Max. "We'll be mainly patrolling the Wasteland—there are still inhabitants at Gas Town and the Bullet Farm, and even though their main forces have been demolished, there's always a chance they'll have enough strength to attack the Citadel. And of course you have the other clans—the entire Wasteland is hostile territory."

"And what, you think you can take on all of them by yourself?" Toast asks with disbelief.

Furiosa shakes her head. "No, but at least we can get word to the Citadel and prepare for an attack. We have no idea what the other clans are up to. If they haven't already heard about the war parties being taken down, they're going to find out soon, and then they'll know the largest fresh water and vegetation source in the Wasteland is vulnerable."

She has a point. The Immortan used to send out patrol parties for this very reason, but they can't spare the people. What War Boys they have are sick and dying and the Wretched are in an even worse state. It'll be months, if not years, before they can afford to arm people to go out into the Wasteland. Max and Furiosa are all they've got.

"So you'll be around," Cheedo summarizes. "You just won't be _here_."

Furiosa nods. "That's right. We'll come back to stock up on supplies when we need to, but otherwise we'll be some miles away."

"What if someone moves in while you're gone?" Toast challenges.

Furiosa glances at Max again. "That's a risk we're going to have to take. But hopefully that won't happen—not if we do our job right."

"So who's going to lead here?" Dag asks.

Furiosa looks at them. "All of you."

The women exchange glances.

"We don't know how to lead," Capable says, speaking for all of them.

"Yes you do," Furiosa corrects. "Maybe not in the way you think a leader should, but everyone in the Citadel respects you. All of you. You showed them that they are not things, and they'll never stop loving you for that." When they don't look convinced, she adds, "There are six of you. Each of you brings something new to the table. And this isn't Harper and Bettany's first time doing this."

The four younger women glance at the Vuvalini, who nod.

"We aren't the Many Mothers for nothing," Bettany says with a wry smile.

There's a hush as the women consider what Furiosa is telling them. Capable realizes that the older woman is right. She and Cheedo have earned the trust of the War Boys and War Pups, Dag has taken charge of the gardens and has gotten them to flourish, Harper has taken charge of the infirmary and done more in a week than the Organic Mechanic did in his entire career; Bettany has been overseeing the reconstruction, figuring out what can be repurposed as what and what can stay and what needs to go entirely, and Toast—Toast knows more about the Citadel than anyone. She knows how many people are in the Citadel off the top of her head and keeps a steady eye on the mechanic and munitions inventories. When Furiosa can't be found, everyone turns to Toast, who probably knows the answer to their question anyway. It could work. Capable glances at Furiosa. It'll have to.

"Well," Dag finally says, hand on her belly. "I can't promise it won't all go to hell while you're gone, but we'll give it a right try, won't we, girls?"

A small laugh goes up, and then Cheedo asks if Bettany will pass her the tomatoes, and then the Dag starts talking about the tomato plants she's growing, and just like that everyone has accepted Furiosa's resignation and their own promotion. Capable lies back on her blanket and stares up at the sky, her fingers toying with the chain link hanging off of Nux's cuff.

.

When Max heads out in a borrowed car three days later, Furiosa is in the passenger seat. The women load them down with water, guzzoline, green, and ammo and send them off with "promise you'll be careful"s.

And just like that, the Citadel is theirs.

The inhabitants are surprised to see their heroes go, but they accept the change in hands with ease. Capable will never admit it, but in some ways, she almost thinks they're doing better than they were before. Though all of the women have an equally official capacity, it's Toast who really runs this operation. None of the others complain—Toast knows what she's doing. She wants to focus on making the Citadel more inhabitable while still maintaining the defenses that the Immortan had in place. Capable and Cheedo rouse volunteers from the War Boys and a few War Pups to aid with this reconstruction while Bettany does the same with the Wretched. None of them are in peak physical condition, but they're eager for a chance to be useful and that's all that they can ask for at the moment. Harper takes a few more volunteers and trains them for the infirmary; none of them are anywhere close to real doctors or even nurses, but they are able to provide painkillers and manage blood transfusions and bandage the odd construction wound, and this leaves Harper with much more time to focus on the tumors that so many of the War Boys have. Capable and Cheedo and Bettany rouse other volunteers too, and these they send to the roof of the Citadel where Dag puts them to work tending to the crops.

And it works. They aren't nearly as powerful as they were under Immortan Joe, but the stink of death and disease and decay is gone. Everyone has guaranteed access to food, water, shelter, and medical care. They are, for the first time in living memory, _safe_. And that's more than anyone could say for the Immortan.


	4. repurpose

Their progress is slow but steady, and by the time Max and Furiosa return to stock up on supplies three weeks later, the inside of the Citadel looks completely different. Furiosa expresses her pleasure and asks for Capable to show her around the new layout. Max tags along, which Capable suspects is because his old hiding places have changed and he doesn't know where else to go. Capable takes them through the Citadel, points out the new housing units and the plumbing system some of the more tech-savvy War Boys are developing.

"You girls have done good work here," Furiosa admires. "I told you you could."

"You were right," Capable says with a shy smile. "But it's not just us—the War Boys are surprisingly resourceful. Some of them are working on a pulley system to transport food from the kitchens to the medical bay so we don't have to have volunteers walking up and down the stairs delivering food."

"Smart," Max grunts, his one contribution to the conversation.

"But how's the patrol?" Capable asks.

The pair look at each other and shrug.

"Hostile territory is still hostile," Furiosa says. "Everyone we encountered was acting defensively rather than offensively, so I'd say we're safe for now."

"What about Gas Town and the Bullet Farm?"

"I was going to bring that up when I had all of you together. They're willing to open up trade again. They need the water and the crops, and we need the guzzoline and the ammo."

Capable considers this. "We may need you to act as envoys," she says. "Toast should go, too."

"And you said you weren't a leader," Furiosa teases, slinging her arm over Capable's shoulders. "But we can talk about that later. I'm starving."

They have dinner on the roof top again, which seems to be their new tradition. Capable likes it—it's pleasant up here, and it has the added bonus of being isolated from the rest of the Citadel so there's no fear of eavesdroppers.

The others agree that an envoy should be sent to Gas Town and the Bullet Farm, and Toast volunteers to lead the mission. In addition to Max and Furiosa, they decide to round up a gang of War Boys to accompany her—it will add an official note to the whole thing, as well as ensure that Toast will be at least somewhat protected should negotiations go awry. Toast brings up possible negotiations with the canyon dwellers when Bettany interrupts. "All right, we've had enough business talk—let's try to enjoy each other's company."

"Fat chance," says Dag, putting her feet in Toast's lap. She knows that Toast hates feet, and sure enough, the shorter girl smacks Dag's legs and insists she take her feet off of her. "Do you see this?" Dag squeals as Toast continues her barrage. "She's attacking a pregnant woman!"

"That sprog inside you doesn't give you an excuse to be disgusting," Toast retorts, squeaking as Dag tickles her furiously.

Out of the corner of her eye, Capable can see Max tense up when Toast says that. Furiosa lays a gentle hand over his clenched fists and Capable watches in fascination as he slowly unwinds. She wonders what set him off—knowing him, it could be anything.

They chat and trade stories and laugh for a while, and it feels nice. This is one of those moments that's been happening more and more lately where Capable actually feels excited to share this with her baby. She's been trying to look for the positives in having a baby, and this is one of them. She rests a hand on her stomach, which is not quite as flat as it once was but isn't round enough yet to be noticeable.

When Furiosa announces that she's tired and wants to sleep in a real bed, they clean up and start to head back down. Capable can still get up just fine by herself, but Max insistently helps her to her feet. "How are you?" he asks her as they gather up blankets.

She shrugs. "Still pregnant."

A flicker of a smile passes his face. "And...your arm?" he asks, unwilling to elaborate.

Capable pulls up her sleeve and shows him by what lantern light remains. "I've kept my word."

His face is relieved. "That's good," he grunts. "I was worried..." He doesn't finish the thought.

.

Capable and Cheedo select a group of ten War Boys to accompany Toast to Gas Town and the Bullet Farm. They are the strongest of the bunch, which isn't saying a lot, but it's the best that they've got. Toast reminds the others that the strongest War Boys from Gas Town and the Bullet Farm perished in the Wasteland, so they should be evenly matched should it come down to it. This is only slightly comforting.

It's a few days later when Toast, Max, Furiosa, and the War Boys pile into a collection of cars and motorbikes and head for Gas Town. Some War Boys have been assigned the task of sending the old signal to Gas Town to let them know an allied party is on the way. Logically, Capable knows that Gas Town and the Bullet Farm need the Citadel's water and vegetation too badly to risk offending them, even if Toast was one of the people technically responsible for the deaths of their leaders and their strongest men. But there's always a chance something could go wrong. Gas Town or the Bullet Farm could have found alternate sources of water and vegetation and have no use for the Citadel.

Capable tries not to stress too much about it and instead focuses on overseeing the pulley system the War Boys are working on. They've enlisted the help of some War Pups who are small enough to fit into harnesses and then climb up and down the shaft. It makes Capable nervous to see them, but the War Boys assure her the harnesses are sturdy, and the Pups seem so eager to help. She's helping one particularly adventurous pup out of his harness when the cry goes up—the envoys are returning.

Capable rushes to greet them and is relieved to see the party looking exactly as they did when they left rumbling steadily along the road. She orders the pups and the treaders to lower the platform and waits impatiently for the group to ascend. When they do, she throws her arms around Toast.

"It was only a few hours," Toast says, returning the embrace nevertheless. "Come on, let's find the others and talk."

Gas Town and the Bullet Farm are eager to maintain the old alliance, she tells them in the privacy of the council chamber. Once a month they will load water and green into vehicles and exchange them for a sufficient amount of guzzoline and ammunition. The Gas Towners and Bullet Farmers have assured them safe passage, and Toast promised them the same.

"And they're not upset about...before?" Cheedo asks delicately.

Toast shakes her head. "They're being run by old people and kids. They aren't in a position to demand reparations, which is lucky, because neither are we."

Capable wonders if there are breeders in Gas Town and the Bullet Farm. Somehow, she doubts it—from what she's pieced together, the People Eater and Major Kalashnikov didn't share Immortan Joe's concern for producing a healthy male heir. She wonders if the People Eater or Major Kalashnikov ever even married and had children of their own. If they hadn't, then there's no one to really grudge the women who helped kill their fathers. And if they had, well, that was a problem for another day.

They fill a trailer with water and green and hitch it to a rig. Three smaller cars and two motorbikes are selected to accompany the rig, and more than enough War Boys to man the vehicles. Toast, Max, and Furiosa don't seem concerned that Gas Town or the Bullet Farm would renege on their deal, but after Furiosa's own betrayal, they know just how easy it can be and they aren't taking any chances. Max and Furiosa take the rig while the same War Boys who accompanied Toast earlier take their places in the cars and motorbikes. Capable, Toast, Cheedo, Dag, Harper, and Bettany all take the platform down to the ground and see off the trade party.

"Hey Furiosa," Dag says with a wicked grin. "Don't go offroad like you did last time."

Furiosa smiles in return and climbs up into the rig. Almost everyone in the Citadel is outside, waving and cheering as the vehicles rumble out into the road. Two War Boys and two eager War Pups stand at the top of the Citadel and signal Gas Town that the supplies are on the way.

There's nothing to be afraid of, but Capable stands at a window for the rest of the day and watches the party's progress with binoculars. It takes them less than three hours to exchange goods and return to the Citadel—when they do, Capable leads a flock of cheering War Pups down to the ground to welcome them back.

"FURIOSA!" the crowd cheers. "MAX! FURIOSA!"

Furiosa throws her right arm around Capable to hug her and murmurs in her ear, "You worry too much."

Capable flushes. "Can you blame me?"

Furiosa looks at her and then gives a small smile, shaking her head. "No."

Capable leads them back up to the living quarters, and she doesn't miss the way Max's hand slips into Furiosa's.

.

The women implore Max and Furiosa to stay longer, but they shake their heads and insist they have to be off. By the time they return three weeks later, the Citadel has changed even more, and when they return another two weeks after that, it's almost unrecognizable.

Capable is almost four months along by this point and beginning to show. Though she's been trying to stay positive about the pregnancy, she still isn't fully comfortable with it, and her discomfort grows when her belly begins to noticeably curve. She wears loose-fitting clothes whenever she can, but sometimes she'll move in a way that stretches the fabric across her stomach and it becomes plain as day. Half the Citadel knows by now, and the other half will find out soon, so there's really no point in disguising it. But she doesn't want to disguise it so much as just...not have it. She misses her flat belly—what's more, she misses the significance behind a flat belly.

With the inevitability of a baby becoming more and more obvious, Capable finds herself spending more and more time with Dag. They've always been close—all the sisters have—but they're joined by a bond now that Toast and Cheedo do not and probably never will understand. They complain about their aches and pains and share loose-fitting clothes and start halfheartedly preparing for the babies. Dag thinks she'll have to move into another room soon—four women in one room is crowded enough, and adding two babies into the mix is just going to make it a pain. Capable has been considering moving to a different room as well since it'll be noisy with the baby. Toast is fine with this arrangement (she's always been better at being independent), but Cheedo is so upset at the prospect of them all splitting up that they know they can't do it now.

Cheedo talks to some of the War Boys and the Wretched developing housing units and finds a solution—a set of connecting apartments for the four women and two babies.

"There are three-bedroom units," she explains, showing them the sketches an obliging War Boy drew up for her. "Two of us in two rooms and the babies in another. There are two water closets and a common area, and they can set up a small kitchen for us if we want."

It sounds ideal. The War Boys in charge of the project offer them several locations...but the one they keep circling back to is the old vault.

"I'm not setting foot in there again," Toast tells them coldly.

"Just give us a chance," the War Boys plead. "It won't look anything like the old place. We promise."

Toast irritably tells them that she can't very well stop them from converting the vault if they really want to, but she's not going to move in just because they remodel it. Dag and Capable feel similarly—out of all the rooms they could've been asked to move into, those are the ones they want to seen gutted completely. Only Cheedo, Cheedo who's still a virgin and never knew the full extent of terror the others lived in, seems positive that this could be a good thing.

By the time the boys are finished gutting the old vault and reshaping it into a living space conveniently located near the administrative apartments, Capable is already looking into other accommodations. She knows the War Boys are trying, she knows she can't hide from the Immortan's shadow forever, but she does not want to go back to that cage.

So she's surprised when the War Boys unveil the new unit. It's completely unrecognizable from the old place—the only similarity is the blurred glass of the floor-to-ceiling window. The water pool is gone, filled in with stone and sanded to look just like the rest of the floor. The books have been moved to an administrative room and the piano has been taken to one of the public common areas for anyone to play. The walls have been torn down and new ones erected; on one side of the unit are a bedroom that connects to a water closet that also opens out to the common room, and a small two-wall kitchen unit against the window. The boys took the liberty of setting up a table and chairs in the common area just outside of the kitchen—when Capable sits down at the table and looks out the window, she can see miles and miles of sand and sky. She remembers the view from living here before, but this is different somehow. They'd never had a table to sit and eat at before—she wonders what meals will be like, watching the sunrise and sunsets from here. On the other side of the unit are two bedrooms connected by another water closet that opens to the common area; one bedroom is against the window so whoever is in there will get a lovely view as long as they don't mind rising with the sun. _The nursery can go in there,_ Capable thinks absentmindedly before realizing what she's thinking.

The best part about this new unit, however, is not the completely different interior—it's the easily accessible exterior. The old lock has been taken away and replaced by a door that locks from the inside, so no matter what, the women can't be locked in, but they have the power to lock someone out. It's a small detail, and one Capable doubts the War Boys put a lot of thought into, but it's enough to convince her. She can feel safe in here.

Cheedo is already brimming over with excitement, and even Dag looks impressed at the transformation. They all look at Toast, who unofficially has the final say—they won't move in if she doesn't want to.

But Toast looks nonplussed. "It's...efficient," she finally says. "The added architecture will help maintain a steady temperature instead of the window causing the room to go from one extreme to the other." She wanders into one of the bedrooms and looks around. "Two beds could easily fit in here...no doubling up," she observes. She pokes her head into a water closet. "And two water closets _would_ be twice as convenient as one." She chews her lip. "It's different," she allows. "I'm impressed. I just don't know..."

Cheedo sucks in a breath.

Toast rolls her eyes and can't help a small smile. "Oh, _fine_. We can move in." She holds up a hand before Cheedo can hug her. "But the minute any one of us gets uncomfortable we move, yeah?"

Capable and Dag release sighs of relief, but Cheedo full-on squeals and hugs Toast, raised hand and all. Then she hugs the War Boys who have been lingering at the entrance and waiting for the verdict with bated breath. The boys move the women's belongings from their old room to the new apartment and are even able to locate two extra beds. They strip the cushioned backseat of someone's car and put it in the common area as a makeshift sofa and find chairs that Cheedo artfully arranges around a rug. It looks cozy, like someplace Capable can see herself relaxing after a long day.

"Now all we're missing are cribs," Dag observes.

Capable doesn't give it much thought (she tries not to think too much about the baby), but a week later she hears a knock on the door and answers it—only to find a crew of War Boys carrying two cribs.

"Just something we threw together," one of them, Crash, says modestly, but Capable knows from the sturdiness and the detail that they put time and effort into these cribs. They're made of metal, sanded and smoothed and painted so as not to present a threat to the babies or an eyesore to the mothers. After collecting cushions and blankets, the cribs look soft and inviting.

"You didn't have to do that," Capable reminds them, feeling not a little guilty. These boys have done so much for the women in the past few months—Capable knows they'd cross the Wasteland if she asked them to.

"I know," says Crash. "But we wanted to."

When Max and Furiosa return from another patrol, the sisters invite them, Harper, and Bettany over for dinner in their new home. Harper and Bettany have already seen the new unit, and Max has no idea what the old one looked like, but Furiosa remembers enough of the old vault to be significantly impressed with the transformation. "You've got those War Boys eating out of the palms of your hands," she remarks as Cheedo gives her a mini-tour.

"They're good kids," Capable defends, even though there's truth to Furiosa's words. "They just want to help."

Dinner is all fruits and vegetables Dag picked from the roof; since the kitchen is so small, she and Bettany chop up the vegetables and cook them while Capable, Cheedo, and Toast entertain their guests. They group themselves around the window as the sun begins to set—the windows are blurry, but it adds a kind of beauty to the sky's changing colors. They blend and meld together through the blurry glass and slowly sink into the horizon. The sky is purple and pink by the time Dag and Bettany load up the table, and everyone digs in. It's nice and cozy—but Capable secretly prefers the dinners on the roof they've become accustomed to.

Bettany has expressly forbidden business talk at the table, but Furiosa can't help asking about the alliance with Gas Town and the Bullet Farm.

"It's going well," Toast assures her. "The boys tell me the Gas Towners and Bullet Farmers always treat them well. We haven't run into any problems yet."

" _Yet_ ," Dag says unhelpfully.

"How are the patrols?" Capable asks.

Max and Furiosa shrug in almost perfect synchronicity. They've usually slept in separate rooms, though Cheedo reported with some glee that she'd gotten a look at Furiosa's room the last time she was there and had seen Max's belongings in there.

"That doesn't mean anything," Capable tried to tell her, more to respect their privacy than because she actually believed it, but Cheedo informed her earlier that day that the pair told Bettany they were sharing a room. Capable privately thinks that they ought to have just kept the original arrangement and snuck around in secret, because if word gets out then the Citadel won't be able to stop talking about it. But she also knows that they wouldn't do it if they didn't think they could handle the flak. She's happy for them—she's only picked up pieces here and there about their pasts, but she knows enough to believe that they deserve to be happy with one another.

Sure enough, as soon as they disperse for bed, Cheedo turns to Capable with a wicked look in her eye. "They're so in love."

"Just don't ask them about it," Capable pleads. "I don't think they're ready to talk about it with other people yet."

"Why? Everyone else has been talking about it," Dag says. She's not wrong.


	5. many mothers

A/N: One more chapter to go! Thanks for everyone who's followed this story-I'd love to hear your thoughts if you'd be willing to share them :)

.

Capable wakes up one morning and looks down at her feet only to find that they're hidden beneath an unsightly round belly. This is distressing not only because now she can't see two of her appendages, but also because she is really, truly, visibly, unquestionably pregnant. Even the loosest clothes won't hide her bump now—everyone will take one look at her and know. It isn't as if people don't already know—secrets are hard-kept in the Citadel, especially one as big as this. But there's something about knowing she can't hide it even if she wants to that upsets her.

She can feel eyes lingering on her stomach when she walks through the halls. _You're imagining it,_ she tells herself—but there's still the niggling fear that she isn't imagining it at all. It shouldn't matter to her—so what if everyone knows that she's pregnant?

But there's something about being associated with the word _Mother_. The Vuvalini have kept their heritage no secret—they openly call themselves Mothers. Cheedo has convinced the War Pups and even some of the War Boys that their true deity is the Splendid Angharad, the Mother. Capable has even heard rumors that the Citadel's inhabitants call the sisters "the Mothers" because of their association with the Vuvalini and with Angharad, and because two of these women are literally about to give birth.

It terrifies her. She was a Girl and a Prisoner and a Wife and a Breeder and a Thing, and now she's going to be a Mother. She doesn't feel like any of these things. She doesn't want to be a title—she wants to be just _Capable._ She was Just Capable a few months ago, before she found out she was pregnant and before Furiosa handed the sisters the wheel. It had been nice being Just Capable. But now she's having a baby, and that permanently makes her a Mother. You can't be Just Anything if you're a Mother.

She can feel the transformation happening, too. War Pups have taken to sitting in her lap and holding her hand. She's glad they feel this comfortable, glad they can still remember and crave a mother's touch...but she doesn't know if she wants to be that replacement. Sometimes a well-meaning Wretched will smilingly ask her "How's Mama doing?" or say "Oh, Mama, you should take a rest!" And Capable can't ask them to stop because then they'll want to know why, and then she'd have to tell them that she doesn't want to be a Mother, not to this child, not to this product of rape.

So she keeps her mouth shut and smiles and nods and lets everyone see what they want to see. It's easier than telling the truth.

.

Max and Furiosa return a few more times and the Citadel continues making steady trade with Gas Town and the Bullet Farm. Things are progressing, and with progress comes work. Capable throws herself into work, glad for the excuse to not think about the baby in her belly for a few hours—even if that seems to be all anything else can think of. She has a daily stream of inquiries now about how far along she is and when she's giving birth. _Not soon enough_.

Sometimes, at the end of a long day, she climbs into bed and holds Nux's cuff against her chest. The metal is cold and hard, but somehow it comforts her. It seems to comfort the baby, too, because it will stop kicking her in these moments. The baby's kicks were a novelty at first, something that made her smile and get excited for the birth—now, they come too often and too hard and leave Capable exhausted and aching by the end of the day. She lives for the quiet moments in her room with Nux's cuff. She forgets the world and she can even forget the baby for a time.

"I miss you," she whispers, pressing the words into the cuff.

 _Witness me._

.

The Dag goes into labor while she's pulling weeds.

Everyone told her to stop getting on her hands and knees and sweating all day this far along in her pregnancy, but she'd always laughed in their faces. "You think I'm gonna sit in my room and wait around to pop out this sprog?"

By the time Capable, Cheedo, Toast, and Bettany make it up to the infirmary, Harper is walking Dag up and down the corridor while Dag lets loose a stream of swears. Her contractions are finally close enough together that they help her onto a bed and gather around her as Harper urges her to start pushing. Toast and Cheedo each have one of Dag's hands; Capable, at Harper's behest, stands beside the two Vuvalini and watches as the baby begins to crown.

"You're doing great!" Cheedo says encouragingly.

Dag screams something that's so filthy Capable would laugh if she wasn't watching a head pushing through Dag's birth canal.

"All right, I see the head, now PUSH!" Harper shouts.

Dag pushes with a swear that turns into a scream, and the baby slips out of Dag and into Harper's waiting hands. There's a beat as the squinting newborn takes a lungful of air—and then shrieks even louder than Dag. Harper and Bettany laugh as they cut the umbilical cord.

"It's a girl," Harper shouts over the shrieking, and Dag collapses against the bed in exhausted relief. Toast and Cheedo are gabbling excitedly as Harper and Bettany take the baby to a basin and wash off the blood. Capable can only stand and watch. The baby is so _tiny._ Capable hasn't seen many babies in her life, and she doesn't think she's ever seen a newborn. Her eyes are shut tight against the light and she won't stop screeching.

"She's got good, strong lungs," Harper says proudly. "You've got a healthy baby, Dag."

"I ought to after everything," Dag grumbles, but she's beaming underneath. When Harper wraps the baby in a blanket, Dag reaches eagerly for her and holds her close against her chest. "You little beast," Dag says, touching her baby's eyelids and nose and chin. The baby is still crying, but at least she isn't screeching anymore. Capable watches in fascination as the baby settles against Dag's chest, as if she instinctively knows her mother. Capable supposes she must—that baby's been inside Dag for nine months, after all.

The women bring in chairs and sit with Dag and the baby for the rest of the day and well into the night. Dag is greedy at first and doesn't want to let anyone else hold the fruit of her labors—but as the evening progresses and Dag grows tired, she asks Capable if she'd like to hold the baby.

Capable surprises herself by saying yes. She eases the newborn into her arms, settling her into the crook of her left arm and against her breast as she saw Dag doing. The baby is sound asleep, so Capable takes extra care as she walks up and down the room, gently rocking the baby. She can feel her own kicking in response, and for a moment she's afraid it'll wake up its older sister.

 _Sister_. It's a strange thought, that this baby and the one in her belly—literally right next to each other—are siblings. _Wouldn't it be nice to have a girl?_ She thinks. _Two sisters, just like me and Dag._

"Have you thought of a name yet?" Cheedo asks.

Capable glances at Dag, who looks straight into her eyes.

"Angharad."

Capable stops short.

It's a good name. Capable likes it. She wishes she had thought of it herself, but she tries not to think about the baby if she can help it, let alone what she might name it. But Angharad... "It's a good name," she says softly.

Dag smiles at her.

"It _is_ a good name," Cheedo echoes.

Harper and Bettany head to bed before too long, and the sisters aren't far behind. Capable falls asleep the minute her head hits the pillow, and when she sleeps, she dreams of two little girls.

.

The next few weeks are spent oohing and aahing over Angharad. She wakes them all at odd hours with her crying, so they take turns going to the nursery to see what's wrong. Sometimes she needs to be fed or have her diaper changed, and sometimes she just wants to be held. She's absolutely precious, even when it's the middle of the night and she won't stop screaming. Capable falls hard and fast for the little one. Cheedo does too, which doesn't come as a surprise to anyone, and even Toast can't help cooing at the baby.

The best part, though, is watching Max and Furiosa with her. Furiosa holds her in her right arm, surprisingly tender for a former imperator. It's easy to forget that Furiosa was once Vuvalini. Capable supposes she still is, but it's hard to wrap her brain around.

Max, to everyone's delight, agrees to hold the baby. He's awkward with her at first, looking terrified that he's going to drop her or squish her, but after a few minutes he's bouncing and humming at her and Capable knows that, like that night he held her on the roof, this isn't the first time he's done this. She wonders about the baby he used to hold and if it was his. It would explain a lot.

By the time the pair set out again, Dag is feeling well enough to leave the apartment and wave them off. Harper tells her not to expose Angharad to too much of the outdoors for the first few weeks, so they bundle the baby up tight and keep her close to Dag's breast. Capable sees some of the War Boys watching Dag feed her baby with wonder. The breeders who produced mother's milk were kept shut up in a room away from the War Boys; they weren't as isolated as the wives, but Capable still doubts that many War Boys ever saw mother's milk being made or really even knew where it came from before now. Dag refuses to be embarrassed about it. "She needs to feed and I have work to do," she says in a tone that brooks no room for argument. "Besides, it's about time those boys learn where it comes from."

.

Capable wakes up in the middle of the night with a sharp pain in her stomach and soaked sheets that can only mean she's lost control of her bladder in the middle of the night—there are times when she can barely make it to the water closet even when she's perfectly awake. She gets out of bed to clean up when the sharp pain returns. It's so strong that she ends up shouting as she sinks to her knees. The shout wakes Toast, who rouses Dag and Cheedo.

"I'm fine," Capable tries to tell them, because it still hasn't clicked quite yet that the baby is _coming_. Toast and Cheedo help Capable out of the apartment and to the infirmary with Dag and Angharad close behind. "I'm _fine,_ " Capable keeps repeating, but another sharp pain brings her to her knees once again and she knows it's not worth fighting. Someone goes to get Harper and within minutes the Vuvalini appear. Capable's contractions are coming close together and Harper tells her she's going to need to start pushing soon.

"I'm not ready," Capable insists from the bed they've helped her onto. "I'm not ready, it's not time, I'm not _ready_!"

"You're ready," Harper tells her. "You've been ready to get this baby out of you for over seven months, don't go backing out now!"

Toast and Cheedo take their places beside her, letting Capable grip their hands as each contraction rips through her. Dag walks up and down the corridor outside with Angharad, poking her head inside every few minutes to check on Capable's progress.

"Push," Harper tells her.

"Come on, Capable, push," Cheedo urges.

" _Push_ , girl!" Toast barks.

Capable pushes. It doesn't hurt so much as it's just _hard_. She pushes again when Harper tells her to; she's too numb to feel anything but she can tell from Harper and Bettany's faces that she's close.

" _Push,_ girl, _push_!" Harper sings, and with an almighty scream Capable pushes the baby out of her.

There's a pause that seems to take forever before the baby's lungs fill with air and it screams. Capable lies back on the bed and stares at the wet, wriggling thing in Harper's hands. She presses her hands against her belly—it's not quite flat, but the baby is definitely gone.

"It's a boy!" Harper tells her, and Toast and Cheedo's happy shouts turn into a loud buzzing in her ears.

It's wrong, it's all wrong. Every face she sees is smiling. People are talking to her and she can dimly hear the baby's screaming but it all seems so far away. Her hands climb up her sides and clamp over her ears. "Make it stop," she says, but she can't hear herself saying it. "Make it stop, make it stop, make it _stop!_ "

She can barely make out someone shouting her own name before Cheedo tugs on her arm, tugs her hands off of her ears. "Capable!" the younger girl is saying too, too loud. "Capable, what's wrong?"

"Make it STOP!" she shouts.

The smiles are gone, and somehow, this scares Capable even more.

"Capable," Harper says, coming towards her with that _thing_ in her arms. "Sweet girl, don't you want to see your baby?"

"No." It's too close, too too close, and she has to get away. She tries to get out of the bed but Toast and Bettany grab hold of her and push her back on. "Let go! I want to go!"

"You can't walk right now," Toast tells her with a horrified look in her eyes.

"I want to go. Don't bring it over here!" Capable shouts hysterically. Harper looks down at the baby. It's still crying and it's too much. Capable clamps her hands over her ears again. "Make it stop, I said!" She hums wildly to herself, anything to drown out the sound. She starts crying, too, although she doesn't mean to do that, and that drowns out the noise even better. When her arms are tired she lets her hands fall from her ears. The baby isn't crying anymore, but Capable still knows it's there, and she almost screams at them again.

"Capable, honey, I know this is rough," Bettany says warily. "No one blames you for being scared...but it's all right, yeah? You have a healthy baby boy."

Capable shakes her head furiously. "No, no I don't."

Harper whispers something she doesn't catch. Capable doesn't care—Harper is holding the baby. Finally, Harper hands the baby to Bettany and walks over to Capable. "You've been through a lot and your mind's not working quite right," she says gently. "We're gonna put you to sleep, all right?"

Capable eyes the baby. "Is he gonna be in the room?"

"No," says Harper, and Capable relaxes. They help her settle against her pillows and then stick her arm with a needle. She falls asleep almost instantly.


	6. a thousand stars

A/N: If you've stuck with me this far, thank you! Enjoy :)

.

Capable wakes up sometime the next afternoon. She lies in bed for a long time feeling absolutely drained. She remembers last night's events and would feel embarrassed if she thought she was capable of feeling anything at the moment. Her breasts are full and sore and everything below the waist throbs, but it barely registers with her. It's like there's someone in the bed beside her and Capable is only feeling their second-hand pain. Logically, she knows she should get some water or call for someone or do _something_ , but all she is able to do is to lie in her bed and stare at the ceiling.

A War Boy comes by to check on her and, seeing her awake, runs to get Harper.

"How are you feeling?" the older woman asks as soon as she enters the room.

Capable shrugs, still reclined against the pillows.

Harper gives her a searching look. "You had quite an episode last night. Care to talk about it?"

Capable shakes her head.

"Do you want anything? Water, food?"

Capable shrugs. Harper pours her a cup of water and holds it to her lips; Capable drinks three long swallows and then turns her head away.

Harper starts to say something else, but there's a commotion outside and suddenly Dag, Cheedo, Toast, and Bettany enter the room. Dag is holding Angharad—and Cheedo is holding the other one. _My baby,_ Capable thinks. _It's a boy and he's mine. He came out of my body. I carried him for nine months. His father is...his father is..._

"It's good to see you awake," Cheedo says timidly. "We, we thought you might want to see your baby?"

"I don't want it," Capable says, determined to not look at the squalling...thing.

There's a small silence.

"Capable," Toast tries in the gentlest tone Capable has ever heard her use. "It's your baby. Your baby boy."

"I don't want him."

Everyone is quiet for a long minute.

"Do you want to feed him?" Dag tries. "Your tits must be ready to explode."

"Keep him away from me," Capable says, mustering up enough energy to sound angry.

There is another long silence.

"Give her some time," Harper says softly. "Some mothers don't take right away."

Capable turns over on her side and stares hard at the wall.

"Capable," says Harper, as if she's afraid Capable can't hear her anymore. "We're going to leave the baby in here, all right? Someone's going to stay with you, so you won't be alone."

Capable doesn't say anything.

Toast approaches her bed as Harper and Bettany leave. "Do you want anything?" she asks. "Anything at all?"

Capable shakes her head, but then she remembers something. "Wait," she says, sitting up. Toast turns to her. Capable swallows. "I want my cuff. Nux's cuff. By my bed." She sinks back down against the pillows, exhausted by the effort of speaking.

Toast leaves with Cheedo, and Dag pulls up a chair and sits next to Capable's bedside, rocking Angharad in her arms.

"Where is he?" Capable asks.

"In a crib in the corner. You want me to get him?" Dag asks.

Capable shakes her head.

"You wanna talk about it?"

She shakes her head again.

Toast returns before long with the cuff—Capable whispers a thank you and holds it against her chest. A couple of tears slip from her eyes, which is all the crying she can manage for the moment.

Dag is good company in that she doesn't talk and is content to let Capable dwell in miserable silence. She gets up to check on Capable's baby every now and then, and whenever he cries or fusses she carries him in her other arm until he hushes. Around dinner time Cheedo comes to relieve Dag. She tries to talk to Capable a few times, but Capable can barely muster the energy to respond. Even listening becomes exhausting, so she's glad when Cheedo takes the hint and shuts up. She turns her attention instead to the baby, who cries often and loudly. Cheedo is good with the baby, rocking and humming until he calms down. Capable still refuses to look at him. She knows he's only a baby, knows he never asked for this—but then again, neither did she.

Cheedo finally leaves late that night, too tired to sit up with a silent Capable any longer. "I hope you feel better," she murmurs before leaving.

When the baby cries after that, Harper is the one to come in and hold him. She walks around with him for a bit and even leaves the room with him, and for a few blissful minutes, Capable thinks she's given the baby to someone else. But she returns before long and sets the baby back in his crib and Capable knows she's stuck with him.

It's the wee hours of the morning when the baby cries again. Capable waits for Harper to come, but she never does. If Capable were in her right mind she would know that it isn't fair to expect an old woman to get up in the middle of the night to silence _her_ crying baby. But Capable isn't in her right mind, and so she lies there and waits and waits and waits. The baby grows louder and she clamps her hands over her ears. She hums to herself to drown out his screaming, but nothing works. Her stomach clenches as she realizes there's only one option—to silence the baby herself.

She sits up and swings her legs over the side of the bed. She's tired and sore all over and feels like she's been ripped in half and poorly sewn back together. The pain only increases when she sets her feet on the ground and puts her weight on them. But the baby is still crying and she's already halfway there, so she grits her teeth and staggers to his crib.

"Shhh," she tells him, reaching into the crib and pulling him out. She's held Dag's baby plenty of times, so fitting this one into the crook of her arm comes as second nature to her. "Shh," she says again, giving him a small jiggle. "You're going to wake up the entire Citadel." Her voice is rough and raspy, so she clears her throat and tries again. "Quiet, you little monster," she says with no real venom in her voice. "Quiet. I'm here. I'm here."

Slowly, the crying tapers off into whimpering. She walks in a circle, bouncing him in a steady rhythm, and the whimpering gradually stops. "There now," she says. "That wasn't so hard, was it?" His little hands are curled into impossibly tiny fists, and she takes her finger and nudges it against his hand. His fingers curl around hers and his eyes open at the contact.

Capable gasps.

His eyes are blue, and for a heart-stopping moment, they look just like Nux's eyes.

Which is ridiculous, she knows—all babies have blue eyes, and it's not as if...well. She knows this isn't Nux's baby...but there's something about his eyes.

She takes him to the bed, where he begins fussing. It occurs to her that he's hungry. She knows Dag fed him earlier, but that was hours ago. He's a baby; he must be starving. She pulls down her nightgown as far as it will go and eases out her breast. They are both swollen and hurt to touch, and the only thing that keeps her going is knowing how much better they'll feel after she feeds. She's watched Dag do this a hundred times—it's harder when she's the one doing it, but she's finally able to get him to suck. She lets out a long, loud sigh of relief, and he gives a small gurgle of agreement. She stops once to burp him the way Dag does and then switches him to the other breast. He's hungry, and for the first time a wave of guilt passes over Capable.

"I'm not gonna let you go hungry again," she whispers, touching his ear. "Even if you are a little monster."

He's so _small._ She knows newborns are small, remembers how tiny Angharad was—but this is _her_ baby. She can't believe something so delicate, so _perfect_ , came from her. What's more, she can't believe this creation is half Immortan.

"But you're not, are you?" she murmurs. "No, you're all mine. You're mine and Dag's and Cheedo's and Toast's, and Harper's, and Bettany's, and Max's and Furiosa's. You're even Angharad's and Nux's. But you're not His. Never His."

The baby opens his mouth wide to yawn, and she marvels again at how _tiny_ he is. Another wave of guilt passes over her. She's been thinking of him as a thing this whole time when he isn't a thing. _We are not things_. Those were Her words. She never asked for him, it's true, didn't even want him for a while—but he's not a thing. He's a baby, _her_ baby, and he needs her. And in a weird way, Capable thinks she needs him too.

When Harper comes in to check on her early the next morning, she finds Capable fast asleep with the baby nestled into one arm. Harper smiles.

.

Max and Furiosa arrive in the Citadel two weeks later. The women make dinner in their apartment again, and Capable introduces the pair to her son.

"He's beautiful," Furiosa says, watching as Max walks up and down the room with the baby in his arms, murmuring softly in response to the little one's gurgles. "What's his name?"

Capable smiles shyly. "I named him Nux."

Furiosa smiles, and even Max looks up from his baby reverie to give her an approving nod. "Nux is a good name," he says, more to the baby than to Capable.

"Almost as good as Angharad," jokes Dag, accepting her fussing daughter from Cheedo.

"Do they get along?" Furiosa asks. "Or do they even know the other one's there?"

"Angharad knows there's another baby," supplies Dag. "She doesn't know what to do about it, though."

"Nux definitely hears her," Capable agrees. "They set each other off crying in the middle of the night. I'm starting to think they just do it for fun."

"They do it because they know Cheedo will come sing to them," Toast says accusingly.

Cheedo has an indignant look on her face, but Harper interjects with, "Babies that young need to be fed every few hours—it'll be a few more months before you need to urge them to sleep through the night."

"Yeah, _fed_ , not sang to," Toast says.

"Well, it doesn't hurt," Cheedo says loftily.

Max carries Nux to the window and points at the darkening sky. It's all blurry, and probably blurrier still to one so young, but Nux's blue eyes are wide as he takes it all in.

Capable watches them with a smile. _His eyes were made to look at stars_.

Max turns to her and points as if Nux can see. "Who's that?" he murmurs. "Is that your Mother?"

Capable beams.

.

"Mama?"

Capable drops her gaze from the sky to the figure standing near the entryway. "What is it, baby?"

The five-year-old picks his way through the green. "I had a bad dream and you weren't in your bed. Toast said you were probably up here."

"Toast was right." She opens up her blanket and Nux eagerly sits in her lap; she wraps the blanket around him and hugs him tight to her. "I'm sorry you had a bad dream."

"It's okay." He raises a hand under the blanket. "What's that thing?"

"That's a satellite," she explains. "A long time ago, they used to bounce messages back and forth. Shows. Everybody had a show."

He's quiet for a long moment, considering. "And where's the Green Place?"

"When you count to a thousand stars, you'll find it."

"You always say that."

"That's because it's always true."

He's quiet again. "How do we get to the Green Place if it's so far away?"

"The Mother takes us there, remember?" Once, Capable had rolled her eyes at these words; now, she tells them to her son. "She knows the way even if we don't." She peeks down at Nux, watches his wide, blue eyes try to count to a thousand stars. _His eyes were made to look at stars_. She rubs his arm to keep him warm and then lets her hand trail down to his. The cuff is still too big for him and it slides off all the time, but he refuses to be parted from it. She presses a kiss to the side of his head and holds his hand in hers. They sit in silence and try to count to a thousand stars. They never do, but someday they might.


End file.
